Links

JOKE OF THE DAY

FART GALLERY

OSAMA BIN LADEN SONG PARODIES

MERCHNADISE

WANT TO BOOK THE RIOT ACT? 2E-mail me US!

JOKE OF THE DAY
04-27-2004:
Seargant Hardon was putting a fresh coat of paint on his classic car one sunny Sunday afternoon when he heard a sound like an exploding bomb. As he was conditioned to do in his several years of service in Vietnam, he hit the ground and crawled into his garage. The next day, he went out to finish painting his car. The bomb sounded again, so he repeated his routine. The next day he went out again and heard the sound. He realized it was coming from his neighbor's house. He went over to the house to compain about the noise and saw that there was a gay marriage ceremony being conducted in the backyard. The two grooms noticed the leering Seargent and said oh, sorry about the noise, we are getting married. The Seargant replied I'm sorry that you are desecrating the sacred institution of marriage. BAFFLE!!!!!

OLD JKOES! Paris Hilton goes into a bar and orders the premiere drink of the bar she is in, The Sand Crab. The drink's name is the Waterloo, because if you are Napoleon, it will have special significance. Paris says to the bartender, how much do I owe you and the bartender replies, "Honey, if every girl asked me that, I'd be broke!" LAFFS!!!!!

A man goes to see his wife in jail and on the way into the prison, he asks a guard if he can smuggle in a condom so that he may engage his wife in sexual fucking. The prison guard looks t him for a moment and tells him to take a hike. Two weeks later the man returns and asks the guard the same question. The guard looks him up and down again and tells him once again to take a hike. Two weeks later, visiting day comes around again and the man returns once more. Before he can say anything, the guard say, "Look buddy, you've already tried this twice and I'm not going to take anymore of your buffoonery. You can't take any condoms in, so just don't bother asking." The man looks at him aghast and says, "I'm afraid you have me confused with my twin brother. He took a hike two weeks ago and died after a wild bear attack. I'm here to give the news to his wife." The guard tells him that it is okay to smuggle a condom in then for a sympathy fuck! WOBBLE!!

Martha Stewart is dusting her jeail cell when the jails most premiere jailmate walks into the cell and asks Martha Stewart if she knows how to make a tossed salad because he wants to impress his friend at night. Martha Stewart says that she has a lot of "delicious" ideas about salad because she knows a lot of premiere lettuces and vegetable brands and she asks the jailmate wahht he has in mind. Let me show you he said, and Martha Stewart was surprised to find out that this was no ordinaryt salad that he was talking about. BLAPP!

A man who works a s a construction worker hurst himself on the jobn. His boss says for him to take the day off of work and to see how he feels the next day. The nexzt day he returns and the boss says how are you feelingf and the workers says that he is still hurt. The boss says are you crazy and go backj home and rest. He does. The next day he comes back and his is still hurt. The boss says you had better gfo home because you are still hurt and the guy says I don't want to be around my wife! CHUCKLE!!

Winston Churchill was famous for his witticisms, so much so that even today his jests are celebrated from the shores of the Thames to Norfolk, Virginia.. The following story is apocryphal, I suppose, but still, it is too delicious to pass up. As it goes, Churchill was ruminating on Cromwell in relation to the Elvis Costello song "Oliver's Army" and in doing so, he lost track of the time. The dining hour upon him, Mrs. Churchill burst into his study rapidly exclaiming about the late hour and how he mustn't miss dinner to which Prime Minister Churchill replied, "Madam, if it is too late for dinner, then I will just have to have parliament redact the dining hour to suit our needs!" HEEHAW!!

Sally was in third grade and while at home, she accidentally walked in on her mother having sex with a vibrater! Both of them screamed and her mom said not to worry, that it was only a vibrating dildoe and that was her way of releasing tension. The next day, Sally is again at home and she goes upstairs to say hi to her dad and accidentally walks in on him masterbating! Oh no, they yell at each other and her dad explains to her that that is his way of relesasing tension because him and Sally's mom are having marital problems. Sallys asks him why he and mommy don't go see a therapist, and her dad replies, Do you think he'll let us fuck him?! Also, Sally is actually an adult. WOKKA!

Princess Harvey was the most beautiful princess in the kingdom, but she couldn't get married to a prince because they were all embarassed that she wouldn't be satisfied with them as lovers. At least that's what the princess father, the king, told her when they all left. Actually, they didn't want to marry her because her name was Harvey and she didn't shave her "treasure trove."

Historical HA HA's: George Washington is about to cross Delaware so hhe can win the war, and his second-in-command, corporal Benedict Arnold Schwarzenegger, suggestys that they try to do it at night when they're sleeping, and then he goes to find his twin borther Danny Devito. George Washington says wait com,e back my wooden teeth hurt. And Arnold Schjwarzenegger says I'll be BACK and we can discuss this later. TOOT TOOT!!

FART GALLERY

OSAMA BIN LADEN SONGS

RIOT ACT STORE