In 1879, Andrew Douglas Beckerman was born in the small mining town of Europe the Band Not the Continent to the son of a poor coal daughter and the father of a third-rate jerk, Andrew Douglas Beckerman. Over one hundred years later, Andrew would once again be born again to the same parents in a hilarious mix-up pundits have come to call "God's fuck-up". Being born twice in a hundred years has afforded Andy many opportunities that us mortals, including the author of this autobiography, the character Andrew Beckerman, could never have had, such as the Dance of a Thousand Dreams, the Snuffbox, and Calluses of Bricemore. Taking all this experience down the tubes with him as Andrew wasted away his life cleaning away the dungarees of filthy mine workers, he dreamed of a day that he could perform his stand-up act in front of TV celebrity Chanty Flowers. This day soon came too often when indeed Flowers died, and Andrew left that mining town to desecrate the corpse of his hero by placing it under arrest. Cardiac arrest, that is. At the funeral, Andrew was scouted by network executives, dressed in burials, who liked the fact that Andrew was one who liked facts. You see, Andrew was good with knowing and this fit in with their sinister plans. Later on, he found out his hero, Chanty Flowers had died, and he was sad. But then he was unknowing that he had become a star. In reality, the network had given Andrew his own TV show called "Shut It Up, Plutarch!," a sitcom set in ancient England in the year 2042. Andrew played an unnamed robot in a toga. The series was cancelled before Andrew was even tapped to play the character and in fact, before the writers ever came up with the idea. To this day, Andrew has never heard that he had starred in this show that was not ever not made. And speaking of this day, Andrew now splits his time between playing characters on TV and floating. He is also dead.